Component Antique, Spring 1745
My name is Component Antique, and I am a Dealer, Speculator, Investor, and Net Profit Centre. There is very little that I cannot sell, or at least move while making a Profit on, the two being less than wholly Identical, you understand. Herein, I describe my Day.
I wake at a Comfortable hour of the morning in my rooms in Shackbundle Street in the city of Bael Areen, a Respectable address made mildly less so by the Neighbours in recent months. My rooms are Extensive, and filled with Valuable Objects, such that I may speculate on their Value while I go about everyday tasks. Indeed, my Bed is in and of itself a Valuable Object, having been originally built for a Prince of Aryondis who had some Distinctive and Gentlemanly tastes. I find my way to the edge, waking those I find on the way. Sometimes, other pursuits distract me for a time on the way, but I am told that this document is not the Proper place to record them. Humans are so staid in their approach, don't you think?
Breakfast is served, in good weather, on the balcony overlooking Noddubin Square, or when things are less in the sunshining direction, in the dining room. I did at one stage have a breakfast room, but I have not been able to find it for at least three months. Much as I have tried to Impress upon the cook the importance of Kippers for breakfast, in the tradition of the city in which we find ourselves, the Meal often consists of something else entirely. In fairness, the cook may have changed since too; I cannot keep track of all the staff. As an example, however, this morning I was Provisioned with Buttered Eggs and a Lamb Cutlet, and yesterday with three and a half pounds of raw Chocolate, accompanied by a hot Pesto sauce in a gravy boat.
Once breakfast is done with, I summon my valet, dress, and make my way into the streets of the city, therein to Prosecute Business. This is largely done through the medium of the Meeting, a common business practice which, in my Mind, is inferior to the Robust Street Discussion beloved of my people. However, one must adjust to the practices of the Natives, however Quaint. Therefore, I call upon a colleague, Take Tea, or perhaps in this more enlightened age, Coffee (which they no longer make for me in the Weak style, instead at a rating of about 2.3 ants on a good day), and fall eventually to the discussion of Business. In general, my style of Business is simple. I buy an object, good, or commodity which a colleague has, for a Fair and Reasonable price. I then find someone to buy it. In some cases, I am able to sell it forthwith, for a Profit. At other times, the Market (an irrational and sadly unmythical Beast) is not ready for such things, and I am compelled to find temporary storage. This may be in my own rooms, in rented warehouses in Bael Areen, or in my premises in Ildolfar's Glory - but of course, in such circumstances, Shipping then becomes an issue, and the CASC are so Tiresome with their schedules and their bills of lading and other such Fripperies. I have been reduced to hiring mules and mercenaries on at least one occasion in the recent past, and indeed, I must investigate how that particular Caravan is doing.
Once my urge to Profit has been Sated to some degree, I can face the Paperwork which comprises much of my working day. Letters of enquiry from Quartermasters of all kinds, looking for goods from the utterly mundane (a supply of fireball scrolls) to the utterly fantastic (next year's wheat). It never fails to amuse me that humans believe that something can be sold Before it exists, let alone is in the possession of the seller. It is of no wonder Whatsoever that many of their business endeavours do not even make it to the second generation. These marvels of Commerce occur in my office, which is a Palatially fitted room, complete with a Coffee Stove (rated from 5 to 11.7 ants, with an output upward of seven gallons a day). I have a considerable staff therein, whose purpose is to Smooth the progress of the paperwork in whatever manner is necessary. I do find the dancers to be very Effective, and the engineer who is constantly engaged in improving the ejection tubes is a Delight, particularly in that short leather apron.
Naturally, by a point somewhere in the early Afternoon, other hungers are rising, and I return to the bedroom to see who is available. Thereafter, we proceed to Luncheon, which, in the continued absence of the West Pantry, is now served in the Delivery Bay. Luncheon is entirely a less predictable meal than Breakfast, and there is considerable Activity in the betting pool as to the Proportions of fish, foul and good red meat therein. The cook has been Banned from betting, as it was noted that other Participants were often put off their meals due to his continued habit of Losing. Come to think of it, I am reasonably certain that this is still the same fellow I spoke to about the Kippers. He has a Distinctive habit of leering to the left, rather than straight ahead.
After Luncheon has been completed to everyone's satisfaction, and everyone is dressed again, more Meetings must take place. Some of these are hosted in my own Rooms, particularly when my own people are involved. In which case, of course, the rest of the day is a Write-off, but that is the cost of doing Proper business, and thus far, I have only been unable to get home the following day on One occasion. Meetings with humans proceed until early evening, after which it is time for whatever Entertainment has been decided upon. Theatre, circus, zoo, brothel, alehouse, or archery range are all Favourites, although my Chief of Revelling will occasionally introduce something New, such as Trapeze.
After the Entertainment (or sometimes during it), I will take a representative entourage to dinner. Sometimes, again, this is in my own Rooms, and on other occasions, we will Patronise those restaurants, eateries, and stalls that can withstand the necessary Boistering. Sadly, these are Few in number. The evenings thereafter are, I confess, often a little Blurred, but the general aim is to compress as much Debauchery into the hours of darkness as will Fit, while remaining within the general confines of the city, and with a Minimum of arrests.
After all of this, I will generally find myself in bed, and thence to sleep, waking only once or twice to attend to the Necessities before morning rolls around again.